Disclaimer: This is about a sensitive and serious topic. I don’t mean to offend anyone. My goal is to have a mature discussion and to present a youth’s perspective on this issue.
Why am I doing this?
In light of Robin William’s death, conversation about mental illness and suicide has resurfaced. However, it seems that these issues get their 15 minutes of fame before being buried again by other tragedies. The stark reality is that countless people battle each day against not only their mental illness, but also the stigma that surrounds it:
“Depression is a choice.” “People who commit suicide are selfish and cowards.” “People who are depressed are weak.”
These are among some of the hurtful comments that I’ve heard.
They are clear signs of people who do not understand the true scope of this issue. This is the reason people are fearful or feel ashamed of talking about mental illness. They are judged by others who have not taken the time to listen and empathize. These sweeping generalizations are only widening the rift between those are depressed and those who aren’t.
That’s why I’ve made it a personal initiative to better understand those dealing with mental illness, so that hopefully I am able to help someone out there. 
To say that “I understand what you’re going through” would be a lie. I have never experienced depression firsthand, so trying to wrap my head around what it feels like is not easy. I can only go by what others have explained to me.
I’ve listened to police officers who have prevented numerous suicides in their career, to suicide-attempt survivors who now openly talk about their experiences. I’m also grateful to have friends that have had open dialogues with me about what struggling with depression is like. It changed my perspective and how I will act from now on.
Over the years, I’ve had many conversations with friends as they shared their problems with me. As a person who tries to look on the brighter side of things, I would naturally offer advice or solutions.
One time I said: “It will get better.”
The response I got was: “How do you know?”
This was surprising to me, because I was told those words felt empty. They were a false promise. They were right. How did I know if things would get better?
When a dark cloud of negative thoughts follow you around each day, it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Although it may seem obvious to an outsider of the other options that are available, it is because we are not seeing from a depressed person’s point of view.
Clinical depression is not the same sadness that we all deal with sometimes – it’s not something that they can simply “get over.” They are a prisoner to their own mind – they do not choose to be depressed, they just are.
Just as cancer can strike anyone, why is there a stigma surrounding people who have depression? Depression is indiscriminate. It affects the rich and the poor, the celebrities and also the everyday people we interact with. Would you ever call a victim of cancer “weak” or that “it’s their choice”? No.
Listen. I’ve learned that I have to listen, don’t lecture. It’s about their circumstances and not about how the situation may seem to me. Disagreeing with how they feel is actually more harmful than helpful. One should never use “tough love” because it only makes a depressed person feel more isolated and alone in their struggle.
They are doing the best they can. They’ve had day after day of trying to find the “happiness” that everyone else seems to have. In reality, sometimes the people who act the happiest are those who are hiding the most pain. Think twice about what you say, because you never know how your words may be received by someone else. We have all faced our own struggles, so at least strive to connect rather than criticize others.
People often say: “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” But I’ve also heard: “Suicide is a permanent solution to a permanent problem.”
“Thoughts on depression from an artistic mind” published in the Globe and Mail by Michael Redhill described depression as: “There’s no cure, only remission. People who suffer from depression are never fully out of danger because it is depression’s nature to recur. Sufferers of depression have “episodes” the same way those who suffer from multiple sclerosis do. It comes, wipes the floor with you, and then somehow returns you to the world. But it comes back.”
Depression is treatable with a combination of medication, therapy and support, but you never when a relapse will occur. Don’t get me wrong, people who have depression can end up leading very happy lives, learning how to cope with their illness and not let it overwhelm them.
However, there are too many people who fall through the cracks of society. It doesn’t happen overnight. It happens day after day when we fail to recognize the signs of someone considering suicide. It happens when they feel as though no one loves them or will miss them. It happens when they come to the conclusion: “The world would be a better place without me.”
It is these internal and external problems that get stacked each day like a tower of books, until it wobbles precariously on the brink of falling and staying upright. Suicide is a last resort. Never call suicide “selfish.”
People who consider suicide have already thought of the consequences. They’ve been pushed to a point where just want to end their pain – it’s something that we can’t really understand until we’re at our lowest. Never call suicide a sign of “weakness.” They’ve endured unimaginable suffering and they’re stronger than anyone who calls them weak.
We all play a role in suicide – in prevention and pushing them over the edge.
I always feel a sense of helplessness and despair when I hear about suicide. I can’t help but think of the ways it could have been prevented. We are nothing without love. Fame, wealth, drugs, sex, these things can never fill the void that is feeling alone.
We are all human. I urge you to be informed about mental illness. Even if the stigma persists, you are one less person who is a part of it. Be empathetic. A person’s diagnosis does not define them, so seek the beautiful person that is underneath. Depression is not an easy subject, but it is vital to saving someone’s life. It may be a classmate, a co-worker, a family member. It may be a close friend, a teacher, a stranger.
People you know are battling mental illness and it’s important that you’re there to shoulder the burden. Reassure them in the fields that they are insecure about. Remind them that you’re there when they need it. Be that shoulder to cry on. Being that supportive presence is like being their anchor – the person that keeps them steady in a tumultuous ocean of negativity.
For the depressed, please reach out. Other people can’t help you unless you allow them into your world. As much darkness that seems to be in this society, there are also as many people who genuinely care. There are organizations dedicated to helping people such as yourself. There are trained professionals who do their job for a reason – to help people who are suffering. There are people like me out there, who cannot bear to see a perfectly good life, full of opportunities and dreams, be wasted.
If you’re helping someone with mental illness, remember to take care of yourself too. It can be mentally and physically draining, so take a break when needed. You’re doing an admirable job and you’re trying your best. Even the experts get it wrong sometimes. The point is that the depressed person knows that someone does care and will miss them if they take their own lives.
Accompany them through their dark world, and hopefully one day they will find the light at the end of the tunnel.
Resources
Wesbites:
http://www.kidshelpphone.ca/Teens/Home.aspx (1-800-668-6868) A free 24/7 hotline where you can chat with a stranger, if you’re not comfortable speaking to someone else. It is confidential and non-judgemental.
http://teenmentalhealth.org/ A teen-focused website that provides explanations on various mental illnesses, as well as stories of youth who experience them.
http://www.thejackproject.org/how-to-help-a-friend Concerned about someone you know, but don’t know how to help? This website provides some helpful tips as well as resources you can contact.
http://www.iasp.info/resources/Helping_Someone/ A forum by the International Association for Suicide Prevention that provides various resources on how to help someone with suicidal thoughts.
http://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources Resources for both people looking to help and those with suicidal thoughts.
Videos:
“A message to the depressed” is made by Youtuber Sky Williams and was my inspiration for writing this post. A short, but moving video about depression.
“Andrew Solomon: Depression, the secret we share” A TED Talk from a person who suffers from depression and provides his detailed explanation of the experience.
“Kevin Briggs: The bridge between suicide and life” A TED Talk from a police officer who has saved numerous people from jumping off Golden Gate Bridge, a suicide hotspot.
“Why we choose suicide: Mark Henick” A TED Talk from a person who was pushed to the point of suicide and how his mindset during that time.
“Overcoming hopelessness: Nick Vujicic” A TED Talk from a man born without arms or legs. He explains the hardships he faced growing up and what he did to overcome them.
“please don’t kill yourself” is made by Youtuber Anna Akana and she explains her experience after the loss of her sister to suicide.
“The Science of Depression” is made by AsapSCIENCE as they explore what chemical and biological factors might be causing depression, as well as how to treat it.
Articles:
“Keeping the ball rolling” is written by Jake Shapka from the Calgary Drop-In Centre. He discusses the stigma surrounding mental illness and the need for continuing conversation about it.
“It’s time to have a conversation” is written by the same author in response to Robin William’s death.
“Depression, explained by a comic” is written by Youth Are Awesome writer Julia about one woman’s approach to depression through creating comics.
“Remembering Robin Williams” is written by Youth Are Awesome writer Rebecca about the legacy Robin William left behind.
I read this from start to finish and was VERY glad to hear you speaking out about such a sensitive, intense, and REAL issue. Thank you for writing this and sharing insight with readers.
Thanks Julia, I certainly spent a lot of time soul-searching while writing this and I hope it’s put to good use. Mental illness shouldn’t be one of those issues that we push under the rug, because I know people who have to battle with it. Taking the time to listen is the first step to clearing up the stigma.
I would just like to say that I really love this article, but I would like to add something. Just because a person suffers from depression, does not mean they cannot experience moments of happiness. If you see a depressed person smiling or laughing it does not mean they aren’t depressed anymore. It’s just that after they go home from hanging with thier friends or whatever, at the end of the day, all that depression can come seeping back. It can take you out of nowhere.
Great article. Just wanted to add this because of the stigma about looking depressed. If you’re a smiley, laughing person, how could you possibly have depression. Right?